My little girls are all out of sorts. Their dad has been on a business trip to Germany and they miss him. So do I.
Katie is particularly out of sorts. She is not sleeping well at night. She claims that there are monsters in the house – and she is never scared of monsters. She wants to know when her daddy is coming home. She does not understand the concept of time at her age and though I keep saying “Saturday”, she keeps asking.
Two weeks is quite a lot of time for a little girl. And for a big one, too. My friends keep teasing me that it’s not been that long that he’s been gone. But I really, truly miss him. Why is that so bad to say out loud?
I am so tired of this culture of late where you have to pretend to be aloof and noncommittal – even when you’re in a serious relationship. Just prior to my announcing to my friends that I was pregnant for the first time, we were discussing, over drinks, our relationships. My one friend mentioned that I should consider a fling “before it was too late.” I was married at the time.
It is oh-so-fashionable to pretend that we don’t need anybody. Well, here is my big confession. For years, I felt that didn’t really need anybody. That’s not to say I didn’t want anybody. I did. And I went in search of “anybody.” But I didn’t think I needed anybody.
I was wrong. I needed Chris. He is, in that “When Harry Met Sally” way, the last person that I want to talk to at night and the first person that I want to talk to in the morning. This is not to say he doesn’t drive me crazy from time to time. We’re not perfect. We definitely have our moments. But we do okay.
So why do I feel this need to be defensive about it? Why is it nearly taboo to be comfortable with the idea of liking the person that you’re with? Why be in a relationship if you don’t want to spend time with that person? If it were all about sex or occasional companionship, why not just keep dating different people?
I’ve spent years running away from my demons. And with Chris, I am finally both comfortable and happy. And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a very good thing.
