When I grew up, we didn’t have a lot of *things*. As a result, *things* meant a lot to me. I thought that maybe if I had *things*, my life would be perfect. I realized, pretty quickly, that isn’t the case.
Over the years, I’ve watched what *things* do to people. I’ve watched them make people unbearable, tear apart marriages and destroy friendships.
Of course, I’ve seen the good that things can do, too. Money, on its own, isn’t so bad. But the love of money – just as it says in 2nd Timothy (hey, don’t look so surprised, I read the Bible) – it’s the root of all evil.
This whole notion of things and money has been particularly poignant for me as of late. Financially, we’ve taken a bit of a hit, and it’s been a hard ship to right. I mean, I know we’ll be okay in the long run and I know we’re still much better off than so many folks in this difficult economic climate, but it still sucks when it happens to you.
At the same time, I’ve watched as many of my peers and loved ones have continued to make more and more money – with mixed results. I guess it sometimes helps to watch from the wings. It allows you to have a great deal of perspective. And so while I am thankful for the *things* that I have (and yes, I wish I had the means to have new and better things sometimes), I am also grateful that they do not control me.
This whole notion of not allowing money to control you has spilled over into my life as a mom. We have, over time, made very deliberate choices about the kinds of parents we wanted to be and the messages that we wanted to send our children. I don’t wish for my children to want for things the same way that I did – let’s face it, being the poor kid sucked. But I also want my children to appreciate the things that they have and work for the things that they want. That is supremely important to me. I’ve seen the dangers, both in my work and in personal life, of taking things for granted.
As my girls get older, it’s particularly tough. They are both school-aged now and are exposed to a much wider spectrum of people than they were previously. As my daughter enters the third grade this fall, we have already done battle over cell phones (her friends have them), video games (we don’t have those either) and a computer (I’ll confess, we’re melting on this one). My younger daughter has already begged for brand named shoes as well as Jonas Brothers posters and iCarly bookbags (though, interestingly, she’s never seen an episode of the show). They’re not even teenagers yet and I’ve already been told over and over that I don’t let them have anything.
I thought that I was on the same page as many of my friends when it came to this stuff. I am learning that I am not. I’ve been shocked lately to see the crazy amounts of *things* that many of my friends have allowed their children to have at such young ages. I mean, there are a couple of my friends that I totally expected it from because it’s their nature and they’ll happily admit it (you know who you are). But it has been eye-opening to see both my formerly granola-crunchy and solidly blue collar friends crumble into big piles of materialism at the behest of their kids in such a short time span. And I don’t mean the odd video game or two. I mean full on, new toys every.other.day craziness. How did this happen?
The most bizarre part of it is that I expected this from my upwardly mobile, shiny-new car driving type friends. I didn’t expect it from my fellow Subaru moms. The same moms that were comparing the prices on cans of beans – when frugal became the new black – not so long ago are now switching tips on Silly Bandz and Little Pet Shop Toys. And yes, the same moms that have traded in their Patagonia shorts and Banana Republic tops so that their kids can have the latest pair of Twinkle Toes.
I understand sacrificing for your kids. I do. And believe it or not, I do the same thing. But I try to keep it somewhat under control (I make no excuses for the grandparents and godparents). I want happy kids. But I also want grateful, appreciative kids. Not mean kids. Not selfish kids. Not spoiled kids. Tell me there’s hope.
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I love this.
My kids are still too little to have this be an issue yet, but I see it so much in my adult friends, and even over their kids who are my kids’ age. Spending themselves into oblivion, credit cards and home equity lines and loans, so their 2 year old can have a Coach bag and a $200 birthday cake at a $2000 party.
We are living close to the poverty line due to this fab recession, but I’ll bet you we have more saved, and I know we have less debt, then friends who make six figures. I hate it, because it can be hard for ME to resist the race to accumulate. I can’t imagine raising my kids to resist.
My mom had similar issues with me and I turned out fine. I was allowed to pick out one fancy new outfit and shoes at the beginning of each school year. As we got older, and I got more materialistic, we were given $100 limit. My sister would come home with a dozen outfits and I’d splurge on one name brand one. I didn’t have my own phone line like all of my friends; we had NO video games. I feel like I am more creative at filling my free time than my friends that had all of that.
Be able to earn an allowance for chores was great, too. We only got about $10 per month, but it gave my mom an out when I begged for things: “save your allowance.” I learned how to carefully choose what I spent my money on and how to decide how bad I really wanted something.