I am trying not to be one of THOSE parents. You know, the crazy kind that freak out about everything.

And I got Katie’s report card today.

Now, you have to understand this about me. I was a straight A student. And not a borderline A student. A top A student. Some of it was because I worked hard. Some of it was because I had some natural talent. And some of it was because of my father.

If I got a 93 on my report card, my dad always said, “Where are the other 7 points?”

He was a perfectionist and he wanted me to be perfect.

Maybe that explains some of my issues.

The thing is, the pressure worked. It did make me a better student. And I did become the first person in my family to graduate from college. And I did go to law school. Blah, blah, blah.

So, there’s something to be said about wanting your children to do their very best. Sometimes, it pays off.

But I don’t want to be one of those moms who freaks out about every little thing – especially when it’s not really that important.

Which brings me back to Katie’s report card. She is in Kindergarten. Her report card will not affect her college admissions. And yet, I still read it just about as defensively as a parent could do.

Two things that stood out?

1, Katie doesn’t know her phone number – neither do I. Or Chris. We have a land line but we don’t know the number because we never use it. The phone is really just for 9-1-1. We do have 2 cell phones but that’s a lot for a kindergartener to remember.

2, Katie doesn’t know her birthday. This one is tricky. Her birthday is in June (she knows that part). It is only 2 weeks away from her sister’s birthday. We do not make a big deal about either date because we celebrate them together – one party. We never focused on the dates. In fact, as I am typing this, I just asked Amy when her birthday is and she yelled, “JUNE!” That’s all that they know.

It’s not a learning flaw.

And the crazy perfectionist mom in me wanted to call the teacher and explain. But I didn’t.

I am trying to be more Zen. And just understanding that their lives will not be shattered by the little things like a report card that goes on her permanent record that states that she doesn’t know her phone number.

(breathe out – be Zen, be Zen)

Gosh, it’s hard.

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Charlie is feeling much better tonight. Last night, he was just miserable. He slept with us for a few hours while his fever broke and then he moved back into his crib.

Amy has decided that she doesn’t like going to school. This is a new development. She and I chatted about it and she said that she doesn’t like “the boys that fight.” I talked to her teacher and apparently there are a couple of boys that are rough. They don’t rough house with Amy, but it still bothers her. Her teacher and I came up with a redirect strategy wherein if the boys are playing rough near Amy, the teacher will move her to another activity. I think this is a good solution. Amy really is a sensitive little girl and she reacts big to events. I don’t want to make this about the boys and I don’t want to make it bigger than it is.

Katie has been practicing reading. She really is getting much better at recognizing words and letters and sounding them out. This has not gone unnoticed by Amy. She is now also fascinated by words and letters, stopping at new signs to read the letters out loud. Between the two of them, our lives have become a continuous spelling bee.

I fear that I am getting Charlie and Katie’s nasty bug. Grr. I don’t have time to be sick. Having to deal with one fewer obligation is a good thing at this point. I am still looking at my priorities and things to do and trying to figure out what is next to go. At this point, something really has to. Thanks for your thoughts and good wishes on this. It really is appreciated.

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Katie did, in fact, survive her first day of kindergarten.  She loves it.  She has a few classmates from Pre-K and lots of new kiddos in the class – there are 16 kids.

I have volunteered to be a Class Parent.  Yep, you read that right.  Katie often looks like a gypsy (she has an interesting sense of fashion and I let her wear what she wants, more or less).  I cannot do decent hair braids.  Our baked goods for class are usually from an actual bakery and not from my oven.  And Katie’s lunches are not elaborate affairs that elicit envy from the other children.  But I am a good organizer, I have lots of enthusiasm and I really want my daughter to be happy.  This, I figure, qualifies me to be a Class Parent.

Amy had been out of sorts ever since Katie started school.  On Tuesday, she angrily accused me of “keeping” her out of her school.  She didn’t quite get that her school had not yet started.  Open house preschool (or “Pre K”, she’s decided, even though she’s only 3) is tomorrow bright and early.  I have told her that it’s the same as going to school.  She is extremely excited.

So, the girls are surviving.

Me too, except for being completely and utterly exhausted.

As for Mom?  Her results aren’t back yet from the doctor.  Don’t even get me started.  I made her call today and ask.  They told her that it would be about a week but that if they “found anything” before then, the radiologist would mark it “stat” and they’ll call her.  I know, I know, this is probably a good thing – not to have heard anything.  But this is the same town where, when my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, no one wanted to “bother her” with the news.  So, you’ll have to excuse my cynicism in this regard.

Speaking of cynicism, I spent a weekend remarkably uncynical (is that even a word) and – dare I say it – even a little bit relaxed?  The house looks lovely, we did some much needed sprucing up.  It’s still up for sale, we’ll see what happens.  As fall creeps on, I am less inclined every day to sell.  I swear I’ll post more about this later…

And I have crafts projects and Halloween costumes to keep me company.  I bought a label maker for Katie’s stuff for school.  And get this:  it has other uses.  Everything in our house that doesn’t move will be labeled.  Who knew I could be this OCD?

And that’s all for the recap.  It’s late, I’m tired, Top Chef is on in a bit – and I have a pile of client papers begging for my attention.

I have a significant birthday in a few weeks.  Not AARP significant, but getting there.  But even the spectre of that day looming ahead doesn’t make me feel as old as the methodical marching of events in my children’s lives.

Yep, you’ve guessed it.  Today, Katie started Kindergarten.  Kindergarten!  Not Pre-K.  Not preschool.  Full blown real school.  It is incredibly surreal.

(and psst, Katie’s friend started 1st grade today – and rode the school bus!!)

I am, apparently, the queen of flip-flop.

Not on purpose, mind you.

Remember this big announcement?  And my reasons why?

Well, I take it back.  Sort of.  The house is still on the market but my heart is no longer in it.  At least not for fall.  We picked the worst market in 16 years to try and sell our house.  In summer.  A hot summer.  We don’t have an agreement of sale yet.  And that’s a problem.

You see, school starts next week.  Next week.  And Katie is in kindergarten.  And I am not moving her about from school to school.  So, she is officially going back to private school at Greene Street Friends.  I love it there, she loves it there.  They were kind enough to keep a spot open pending all of the craziness.  And on next Tuesday, that’s where she’ll be.  And where she’s staying for a bit.

I am so not good with change.  Well, that’s not true.  I’m fine with change.  I’m the kind of girl, pre-kid, who could change on a whim.  I would fly on a moment’s notice, get on a train just to see where it was going, open my own firm just for fun…  Yeah.

But kids change you a lot more than you think.   Now every decision isn’t about me.  Or even me and Lawdaddy.  There are three other little creatures to consider – four, really – we can’t forget about Lyle.

And the move was a big deal.  We spent lots of time prepping the girls, and talking about Katie’s new school.  Only there’s no new school.  We’re back to the old school.  And I like the old school.  I just can’t afford the old school for three kids.

Sigh.

I always used to say that things happen for a reason.  And now Lawdaddy is throwing that back at me.  And my mom, too.  While crying on the phone (yes, I’ll cop to crying) when our potential buyers dropped their offer (don’t get me started), mom was saying (after telling me to pray about it – at which point I told her that I had buried a St. Joseph statue in the front yard which kept her quiet because that’s Catholic and she has issues with Catholicism) that things happen for a reason.  I’m not sure what the reason is yet.  I’m working on it.

Maybe we’re meant to stay put a bit.  I don’t know.  I’m not sure what any of it means.  I just know that half of our things are packed away in boxes, stored in the garage.  And I’m not sure we’re going anywhere.

Jeez, how did that happen?

The whole year has just flown by. Today marks the last day of school for the year.

Gulp. Next year, Katie starts Kindergarten.

If you live in the Philadelphia area and you’re searching for school information, I would urge you to consider Greene Street Friends School. Katie has loved her year there, she is super excited about Kindergarten and the staff and teachers could not be more wonderful.

Below are a couple of pics from Katie’s year. You can click on the thumbnail for a better view.

My parents think it’s cool that I’m a lawyer. My kids? Not so much. It’s kind of hard to define what it is that I do really to a four year-old. And to make it worse, my daughter’s classmates have parents that are doctors and teachers and artists – things that are more easily definable – and an airplane pilot. I mean, c’mon! How can you compete with that? That’s the epitome of cool among the pre-K set.

But all of the other parents were showing up at school to discuss their jobs, so I kind of felt like I should do it. And tax day seemed the most logical day to do it.

I had this whole great lesson planned and I have to say, it went off amazingly well. I was very pleased. I handed out stacks of pennies to the kids and we talked about the kinds of things that taxes pay for (the boys in the class were psyched to find out that taxes paid for the Philadelphia Eagles stadium) and everybody paid a penny or two into the kitty. It was great fun. Afterwards, we colored the phrase “Tax Day” since the kids are working on spelling and they were short words.

So, I was feeling really good. And this was my conversation with Katie:

Katie: “So, are you going to talk about flowers?” (I love to garden.)
Kelly: “No, it’s tax day so I am just going to talk about taxes today. Did you have fun?”
Katie: “Yeah.”
Pause.
Katie: “So next time, are you going to talk about flowers?”

The visit went wonderfully.

First of all, I love the school.  It has exactly the right kind of atmosphere.  The staff was incredibly friendly.  The kids looked very happy.  The room was small but cheery – lots of art on the walls and a bunch of windows.

The “good Katie” showed up.  When she saw the schoolbuses, she said, “I’m soooo excited!” and started skipping.  Skipping!  Katie has a tendency to be very serious (she gets this from her father) at times.  However, not this morning.  She was so glad to be going to school.

The teacher was just great.  She was the right mix of cheery and genuine – you know, not overly smiley.  She took Katie over and showed her the classroom guinea pig.  Katie had never seen a guinea pig before.  She was delighted.  She spent a few minutes feeding the guinea pig.

I met a few of the parents.  The arrivals were staggered, which was nice.  Again, it’s Pre-K.  It need not be overly structured, as Katie can’t deal with too much structure.  She needs some structure but the “potty training on the hour” at her prior daycare was far too much for her.

The Admissions Director indicated that the decision would largely be based on the visit.  I was actually glad to hear it.  At least they are judging Katie on Katie, and not on random test scores, the opinion of a psychologist or some other such nonsense.  So, I was nervous about how well Katie would behave (and I soooo wanted her to) when I left.

Katie?  As Chris put it, she wasn’t the one we needed to worry about.  She was great.  I was a chatty mess.  I had about three hours sleep.  And I loved the school.  And that wasn’t a super combination.  I went on and on about everything.  I even managed to talk about my brother-in-law being a Muslim (well, we were at a Quaker school and he does work for the Quakers, there was something of a connection there).  It was nuts.

When I came to pick Katie up just before lunch, she was happily playing with blocks.  She cleaned up nicely while I spoke to her teachers.  They thought that she did really well.  She played well with the other kids and had a nice day.  It was a very positive conversation.

Similarly, Katie and I had a great conversation in the car.  She had a wonderful day and was very happy to tell me all of the things that she had done.  She especially enjoyed the “little playground.”

I am optimistic, based on all of the reports, that she will be considered positively for the school.  The Admissions Director implied as much.  And this is the thing.  All in all, it was a fairly low stress experience compared to the horror stories I’ve heard from other parents about other schools.  No tests.  No formal interviews.  No pages and pages of applications.

I can, however, now genuinely understand how easy it is for parents to get carried away with this nonsense.  I was actually concerned for Katie’s future – and I kept saying “It’s just one school” over and over, but it didn’t matter.  I really wanted her to get in.  And this isn’t a fancy-schmancy school.  Yes, it’s a private school.  But it’s a low-key Quaker school.  High academic standards but a Friends philosophy.  And I was still a little wired about it.

Unfortunately, our society is becoming much more class-oriented.  In the Philly area, there is an enormous emphasis on private education – partly because folks are concerned about the quality of the schools but I also think it has a lot to do with this idea of providing your children with the “best”.  But the “best” as in MTV’s My Super Sweet Sixteen more than what’s best for the child.  In other words, all about the parents.

Chris and I always say that we don’t want to be sucked in to that way of thinking.  But it’s also a little scary to decide that we’re going to be the parents to take a stand and say we don’t care about the lines that are being drawn.  Because we do.  Not in a class-oriented way.  But because I want my children to have every opportunity in the world.  And sadly, it’s not enough anymore to just rely on your smarts to get by…  I mean, we have a President who was a C student, for goodness sake, but still went to the “best” schools in the country.

I am choosing not to be drawn into the drama just yet.  I have confidence that Katie will be okay, no matter what happens – although I hate that I am even having this thought process for someone who is four years old (not even).

At the end of the day, I am much more relaxed.  Katie loved the school, the school seemed to like her, it seems like a good match.  I am hopeful that it will all work out.  But if it doesn’t, there will be other schools.  And it’s just Pre-K (repeat, repeat, repeat).